I’ve come to a deep and somewhat painful realization. This trip to Turkey has made me realize that I have been lying to myself and the only way I can make it right is to come out publically and admit who and what I really am.

I’ve tried to hide my true nature. I’ve studied the way other people around me walk and talk, the way they dress and laugh and express emotions and I can no longer live the lie. I keep my feelings to myself and I try to watch my every gesture, my every word, hoping I won’t give myself away.

Each day I get up, put on drab, inconspicuous clothing, walk with a manly, determined, purposeful swagger, fix a stern and humorless expression on my face and try to pass for “normal.” But it just isn’t working. I have to confess and face up to who I truly am. I hope my family and friends will understand.

I am a tourist.

The sense of freedom I feel now is hard to describe. I think I’ll start by signing on to the “Hop on/Hop off” City Tour bus.

This is great! Everybody on the top of this double-decker bus is standing up, running from one side to the other snapping pictures of every mosque, aqueduct, tower, church, synagogue and body of water in Istanbul. We all wear headphones so we can listen to heavily accented narrations in our own tongue.

Wow! This tour took me from the Aya Sophia to, in order, the Blue Mosque, the Underground Cistern, Gülhane Park, the Sirkeci Train Station (end point of the Orient Express), the Yenicami or New Mosque, the Spice Bazaar, the Women’s Prison (now an upscale Storks restaurant), Topkapi Palace, the Galata Bridge and Tower, the Dolmabahçe Palace, the Stadium, Taksim Square, Istiklal Caddesi, Golden Horn or Haliç, Atatürk Bridge, Aqueduct of Valens, the Patriarchate of Fener, the Bulgarian (all metal church built in a day),Balat Synagogue, Justinian Palace, Pierre Loti Café, City Walls, Yedikule Dungeons (Ancient Guantanamo), Florence Nightingale Hospital,Golden Gate, Byzantium Harbor and Fish Market.

Whew! OK, Istanbul, been there, done that!

Now, what should I do tomorrow?