I recently watched the classic movie, "Fried Green Tomatos." In the movie, a discontented housewife (Evelyn Couch) meets a spunky elder woman (Ninny Threadgoode, played by the beloved Jessica Tandy) on a visit to a nursing home. Ninny engages Evelyn in conversation and over the course of their visits, Ninny shares with Evelyn a lifetime of stories...and nestled within those stories are lessons about life, strength, identity, passion, love, justice and good old fashioned adventure!
Watching the movie and the women’s' relationship therein unfold, I was reminded of a dear woman whom I befriended in my early days in Texas. I was introduced to her by a dear friend of mine--she had been a long-time family friend of his and he brought me along for a visit. I remember the first time I met the spry Eunice Tyler in her cozy room at the Army Retirement Center. She was rosy-cheeked and absolutely vivacious as she shared stories of her younger years. She winked as she shared how close she had been to being my friend's grandmother and sighed as she remembered that love lost. When I asked her about the trophies on her dresser she hopped up, swept one up in her arms and did a little dance around the room telling us about her years as a competitive ballroom dancer--that was before she took up tennis competitively!
I was enamored as this woman shared story after story of her life. My friend and I bid her a fond farewell and left. I remember feeling like I had just had a rare and priceless encounter with a very special woman.
A few months later, my friend had since been stationed over seas, I contacted him to look into visiting Ms. Tyler on my own. I was so curious about her and her life and thought we could keep each other company. So I began visiting her on my own. Each week I'd visit, I'd stop at the gate to announce why I was there and every time I said I was visiting Eunice Tyler, the gate guard would wave and cheerily say, "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too!"
Oh how I loved my visits with Ms. Tyler. I learned that she was an Army nurse in the Philippines during World War II and that there was a whole book written about her and her fellow nurses, "We Band Of Angels." I read the entire book on a flight home for Christmas that year and was utterly spellbound. I felt a sense of awe and wonder as sat with this woman who was so poignantly a part of our history. As we ate together in the dining hall, I remember looking around the room as she pointed out various military commanders and officers--men and women who had each played vital roles in the events I only read about in history texts. We would enjoy a steaming mug of tea and some baked goods over conversation, or sit in the warm sun sharing bits of our lives together. I looked forward to our time together each week.
I was able to visit with Ms. Tyler for about six months before she passed away. I was grieved by the loss of such a special friend and yet I was so thankful for the opportunity to know this woman, to sit by her and soak up the rich stories and wisdom she had to share. Her daughter told me how delighted she was by my visits and I let her know just how special it was that she let me into her life and her heart.
When I remember my sweet time with Ms. Tyler, I think about the forgotten treasure that we have in our elders--oh the stories they have to tell and the lessons we have to learn from them! I think about the kind of elder I want to be--whether I'm a few years older or several generations. I think it is time we recovered the lost art of story-telling and of mentoring those who come after us. There are few richer gifts than that of a person who has gone before us and who is willing to tell us about their journey, to share with us their struggles and their victories, and to guide us along our own path.
I'd love to hear about a mentor or an elder that has had a particular influence on your life. What made him or her special to you? What lessons did you learn? How did you meet this person or start your relationship?
