On my relationship with God
"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself." -- Madeline L'Engle
*****
Here I am
standing on this
cliff by the sea
This is where I return
where I always want to be
I envy the wind
and its freedom
to soar
to be still
to whip into fury
I envy the sea
and its power
to swell
to be still
to surge into fury
I envy this cliff
and its strength
to stand
to be still
to endure the fury
I come here now
and I call out to You
I demand an accounting
so bring on Your storm
I’ve withstood worse
On through the driving deluge
I will stand
While tears and rain pour mingled down
On through the trembling thunder
I will stand
While shouts and claps contend
On through the whistling wind
I will stand
While sobs and gusts howl their lament
On through the surging sea
I will stand
While ache and waves pummel their shores
On I will stand
and back I will return
for You have left me unsatisfied
the clouds may have parted
the rains may have dwindled
the sea may have subsided
but this grief--
this chronic ache in the bones of my soul--
still, it persists
and still, You are silent
*****
And though my questions remain unanswered,
when storm retreats and sun returns
still I search for rainbows
for you have made me with a relentless hoping heart
and when I seek
and find
that bow stretched across sky
I am reminded that you Are
that you have made promises
and those promises you will keep
And so my storm is stilled
the waters of my heart made like glass
And there is peace here in this moment