Fuller Theological Seminary: Mavtag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//4102009-05-26T06:47:19ZMovable Type 3.34Oh the Brilliance of Barteringtag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.103722009-05-26T06:45:36Z2009-05-26T06:47:19ZWhen was the last time you bartered for anything? What did you barter for? What did you receive? I got a call from a friend yesterday with what she described as a "quirky offer," and what I describe as sheer...Mav Jenningstargetx
Susan is a masseuse--and absolutely amazing and gifted masseuse, to be exact--and she asked if I could help her out today in exchange for a free one-hour massage. YES! Of course! I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect situation especially in the wake of an [eternal/never-ending] moving ordeal. So the deal was struck.
I met her at a lovely park in a lovely town nearby that was celebrating Memorial Day with the usual pomp and circumstance of small-ish towns: a parade, concessions, bounce houses, arts & crafts, and general mayhem. As a way to promote her services to the local community, Susan set up a booth offering free chair massages. My "job" was to greet guests and tell them about how fabulous Susan is, to provide them with brochures & coupons, and to encourage them to fill out a raffle card. Cake walk!
In the end, I enjoyed a lovely walk a few miles through town, I helped out a friend, and I got to meet and talk with some really cool people. Oh, and I have an amazing massage waiting for me!barter
I'm a HUGE fan of the barter system and if I could've I would have bartered my graduate education and rent with baked goods and catering!
Now I realize that in our society money is generally the bottom line. But I wonder if we could take steps to do a little more bartering within our communities. I think we could come a long way in not only saving some money, but in building some delightful and meaningful relationships. Go ahead, try it, then tell me all about it here :)
Happy Bartering!]]>
On Motherhoodtag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.102912009-05-10T21:44:29Z2009-05-11T06:13:12ZOf my flesh they were not born but to my soul they have been knit born and nursed of another womb, another breast they were not welcomed, they were not wanted, they were not loved cast aside like debris, “she...Mav Jenningstargetx
I wrote this poem on May 12, 2002 when I was a foster mom at a youth ranch. My girls blessed me with wildflowers picked on the walk home from church, sweet notes & cards, and grilled cheese lunch. Three days later I was sitting stunned at funerals for two of them who were killed on May 15, 2003. A few years ago I lost another, a young man who joined the army after graduating. He had become a medic and was killed serving in Iraq. He was an honorable solider, man, and friend to those around him. There are about 20 youth that I “mommed” during my two years at the ranch and they are forever in my heart, forever my children]]>
The dirty work of feelingtag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.99702009-04-14T07:43:19Z2009-04-14T07:47:37ZI recently finished reading Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies. A provocative and authentic account of one woman's relationship with God. Often after spending several hours reading, I would put the book down feeling as though I had just spent the afternoon...Mav Jenningstargetx
"She was always cheerful--until she turned eighty and started going blind. She had a great deal of religious faith and everyone assumed that she would adjust and find meaning in her loss--meaning and then acceptance and then joy--and we all wanted this because, let's face it, it's so inspiring and such a relief when people find a way to bear the unbearable, when you can organize things in such a way that a tiny miracle appears to have taken place and that love once again turned out to be bigger than fear and death and blindness. But this woman would have none of it...she went into a deep depression and left the church. The elders took communion to her...but she wouldn't be part of our community anymore. It must have been too annoying for everyone to be trying to manipulate her into being a better sport than she was capable of being. I always thought that it was heroic of her, that it spoke of such integrity to refuse to pretend that you're doing well just to help other people deal with the fact that sometimes we face impossible loss."
When I read this story, I felt such a sense of pride and admiration for Lamott's attitude toward this elder woman. Both in my professional work as a therapist and in my personal observations of the people in my life, I am continually struck by how often we downplay our soul's pain--whether acute or chronic. Many times friends will share with me about a difficult or sad situation in their lives and when I offer an empathic response, all too often their reply is, "Oh it's okay," or, "I just need to move on," or, "I'll be fine," or, "Yeah its hard but there is all this other good stuff so I really shouldn't be upset..." Sometimes in my efforts to encourage authentic feeling of one's true feeling I think I sound like some champion of misery yelling at my hurting friends, "No, you're not okay! You just spent the last hour telling me how not okay you are so don't pretend you are!" Yeah, because that is a totally comforting response!
I wonder what has made us so uncomfortable with pain, with sorrow, with grief, with anguish, with emptiness, with silence, with not having answers, with despair? I think this is especially a problem within the Christian church. Somehow we have decided that it is somehow ungodly to suffer--or at least show others we are suffering. But I wonder where we got this idea?
When I look through scripture I see a God who, "was despised and rejected of men...and acquainted with grief," (Isaiah 53:3) and who pleads, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death...if it is possible take this cup from me..." (Matthew 26-:38-39), and who feels things so keenly: "being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground," (Luke 22:44).
So if this is the example we have for how to approach our personal grief and suffering, I wonder why we work so hard to tidy things up, to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and trick ourselves into not actually feeling?
Now, please do not misunderstand me. I am not at all discounting the power of hope for Hope herself is the very reason I am able to get up and face each new day. But Hope does not teach us to deny the reality of sorrow either. Hope challenges us not to camp out in our grief to the point of wallowing and setting up permanent shelter there. But Hope also sits beside us on our mourning bench quietly joining with us in our pain unafraid of how dirty, or messy or uncomfortable our grief may be. As surely as Hope abides with us through the long dark night of our suffering, she is at the ready to lead us into the shimmering light of dawn, yet, never does she lead us on with haste or exasperation. And in the end, while we may still know the pain of our sorrows, Hope--with grace and compassion--has removed the sting so we won't always hurt.
If you need it today, I give you permission to feel your grief and sorrow and anguish. For you were fashioned by and you are loved by One who is acquainted with grief and who understands with the utmost empathy the pain you endure. And in the midst of your ache, may Hope tend your wounds with gentleness and infinite patience.
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Thoughts from another Poettag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.99132009-04-09T06:52:36Z2009-04-09T06:53:10ZThe Dream Keeper Bring me all of your dreams, You dreamers, Bring me all of your Heart melodies That I may wrap them In a blue cloud-cloth Away from the too-rough fingers Of the world. --Langston Hughes...Mav JenningstargetxThe Dream KeeperBring me all of your dreams,
You dreamers,
Bring me all of your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world.
--Langston Hughes]]>
A Slice of Humble Pietag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.94572009-03-10T05:16:19Z2009-03-10T06:00:53ZHas this ever happened to you: You read a quote you've read or heard a million times before, but this time something jumps out at you that never did any other time you encountered the phrase or passage? Well, this...Mav Jenningstargetx
million times before, but this time something jumps out at you that never did any other time you encountered the phrase or passage?
Well, this just happened to me. Today. This very moment actually. I happened upon the following passage from 1 Peter 3:15 which reads, "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..."
Now being a woman who grew up going to church, to Sunday school, to church camp, to youth group, to a Christian liberal arts college, to Fuller Theological Seminary and to a myriad of church services along the path of my life and spiritual journey, I have indeed heard this verse a time or two. I remember lessons siting this verse to punctuate the importance of witnessing to others. I remember sermons quoting this verse to challenge believers to understand more about the faith they claim. I remember lectures in Religion classes comparing the similarities among the world's faiths and emphasizing the value of understanding the hope Christ offers--the hope which sets apart a relationship with Yahweh from a relationship one might have with any other deity. As I reflect on each of these teachings, I do not recollect that last portion of the passage, "But do this with gentleness and respect," when did that sneak in there?
It is a small phrase, easily lost among other admonishments. But this one packs a powerful--and convicting--punch: "Do this with gentleness and respect." As I think about this command/caution I am grieved by how often we as a body of Christians have not in fact accounted for our hope with gentleness and respect. Too often we deal crippling blows to the spirituality of those around us with aggressive and acrid proclamations and judgments. And sadly, many of the instances of these occasions are broadcast on the news or in the media for all the world to witness.
As a therapist, I teach many of my clients about positive and effective communications skills. One of the most fundamental tools I have to offer is using "I" statements in conversation. This is exhibited when a person confronts a problem by stating how he/she feels, " I feel y, when you do x." Or, "I feel like y, when you say x." This technique--rather than the accusatory "you do x; you do y..."--is exponentially more effective in resolving conflict.
I wonder what it would be like if we as Christians incorporated more "I" statements into our accounts for the hope that lies within us? I wonder if that would help us to convey our thoughts and convictions about our relationship with God in a more gentle and respectful way? I wonder if relationship with Christ would become more attractive to others?]]>
Job 23tag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.93552009-03-02T21:28:17Z2009-03-10T06:01:48ZI am thankful for passages--like the one below--that are scattered throughout scripture. They bring me immense comfort in the times when I seek God and cannot find him, when I call out to him and hear no answer. And they...Mav Jenningstargetx
I am thankful for passages--like the one below--that are scattered throughout scripture. They bring me immense comfort in the times when I seek God and cannot find him, when I call out to him and hear no answer. And they affirm that this too is part of the bargain when we take up relationship with God. While there are many moments for praise and jubilation, there are also excruciating moments of enduring His silence in the midst of darkness and if we are authentic Christ followers, we must not deny this part of ourselves or our relationship.
1 Then Job replied:
2 "Even today my complaint is bitter;
his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning.
3 If only I knew where to find him;
if only I could go to his dwelling!
4 I would state my case before him
and fill my mouth with arguments.
5 I would find out what he would answer me,
and consider what he would say.
6 Would he oppose me with great power?
No, he would not press charges against me.
7 There an upright man could present his case before him,
and I would be delivered forever from my judge.
8 "But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.
13 "But he stands alone, and who can oppose him?
He does whatever he pleases.
14 He carries out his decree against me,
and many such plans he still has in store.
15 That is why I am terrified before him;
when I think of all this, I fear him.
16 God has made my heart faint;
the Almighty has terrified me.
17 Yet I am not silenced by the darkness,
by the thick darkness that covers my face.
On my relationship with Godtag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.91462009-02-17T06:43:51Z2009-03-10T06:02:28Z"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself." --...Mav Jenningstargetx
"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself." -- Madeline L'Engle
*****
Here I am
standing on this
cliff by the sea
This is where I return
where I always want to be
I envy the wind
and its freedom
to soar
to be still
to whip into fury
I envy the sea
and its power
to swell
to be still
to surge into fury
I envy this cliff
and its strength
to stand
to be still
to endure the fury
I come here now
and I call out to You
I demand an accounting
so bring on Your storm
I’ve withstood worse
On through the driving deluge
I will stand
While tears and rain pour mingled down
On through the trembling thunder
I will stand
While shouts and claps contend
On through the whistling wind
I will stand
While sobs and gusts howl their lament
On through the surging sea
I will stand
While ache and waves pummel their shores
On I will stand
and back I will return
for You have left me unsatisfied
the clouds may have parted
the rains may have dwindled
the sea may have subsided
but this grief--
this chronic ache in the bones of my soul--
still, it persists
and still, You are silent
*****
And though my questions remain unanswered,
when storm retreats and sun returns
still I search for rainbows
for you have made me with a relentless hoping heart
and when I seek
and find
that bow stretched across sky
I am reminded that you Are
that you have made promises
and those promises you will keep
And so my storm is stilled
the waters of my heart made like glass
And there is peace here in this moment
Thoughts from the deep of the nighttag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.89462009-02-05T03:51:32Z2009-03-10T06:03:38Z"In numbing our agony, art is lost; out of our pain, comes poetry." I woke up at some point in the night, or early morning, with this rather profound thought weighing on my mind. I've been pondering on it all...Mav Jenningstargetx
"In numbing our agony, art is lost; out of our pain, comes poetry."
I woke up at some point in the night, or early morning, with this rather profound thought weighing on my mind. I've been pondering on it all day.
I have quite a few things to say about this thought but they're not quite organized. So I think for now, I'll just let this hang in the air, kind of like an unresolved chord. That will give you some time to ponder this thought for yourselves!
*****
(16, February 2009)
Well, I have returned to this quote and I have decided it was not quite accurate in its original form so I have amended it and am now more satisfied:
"In numbing ourselves, art is lost; out of our pleasure and our pain comes poetry."
Truly, when all sensation is lost so too is art lost and it is out of BOTH the agony and the ecstasy of life that poetry is inspired.
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On Dreams and First Lovestag:blogs.targetx.com,2009:/fuller/Mav//410.85772009-01-13T06:01:25Z2009-03-10T06:04:22ZI'm reading an amazing book by Luis Rodriguez: Hearts and Hands: Creating Community in Violent Times. I'm taking my time with this one. Like one might savor each bite of a rich meal, I am taking time to mull over...Mav JenningstargetxHearts and Hands: Creating Community in Violent Times. I'm taking my time with this one. Like one might savor each bite of a rich meal, I am taking time to mull over each chapter, each challenge.
I first encountered this author a few years ago when I stumbled upon his memoir, Always Running, a poignant and provocative account of his la vida loca--his life inside gangs in Watts and East LA during his adolescence. I was captivated by his writing and the stark honesty with which he wrote. More importantly however, my passion for working with such troubled youth was emboldened.
A few months ago during a peruse around Amazon.com, I came across my current reading selection. As the cover proclaims, Hearts and Hands provides "a powerful, insightful and healing response to the troubles of our times...all from a grassroots perspective." I find my heart racing faster when I read this book, for within its pages is what I have adopted as a kind of how-to manual for how I want to approach my work with kids in the juvenile system.
One of the most exciting aspects of this read is that I find so many of the ideas and theories I have collected and concocted on my own are completely affirmed and promoted in Rodriguez's work. It is an incredible feeling to be validated in such an authentic way. He is the real deal--this man has lived in the grip of gangs and knows first-hand the hustle and flow of the streets. Furthermore, he has dedicated his life to mentoring, teaching and challenging youth to fight for hope and for healing.
I have so many reflections I could and may write, but for now I contemplate this quote,
"Police, therapists, teachers, lawyers--they've all become 'professional,' and in the process many of them have lost the 'dreaming' that first brought them to their particular callings. Unfortunately too often they discourage dreaming in our children and youth. To have peace, we have to get back to this dreaming, to the original pull of our passions, to the spirit that brought us into these lines of work in the first place. An important aspect of elders is that they too have passions, fire and dreams--only they have them largely for others, while young people have them largely for themselves" --Rodriguez, 94.
When I first read this, I literally sat up and became keenly focused on what he was about to say--after all, I was specifically called out by profession in that list...and second in the list. I've read this quote about 20 times; I've written it on cards and post-its and journal pages; and I'm writing it here out loud for the world as a plea for accountability. One of my biggest fears is losing sight of my dream, of forgetting my first love, of growing complacent, of giving in to feelings of overwhelmedness or defeat...okay, that was more like five biggest fears!
I think it can be easy for we who are dreamers to forget the seed which began the whole dream and to forget the butterflies and the quickened pulse we felt when we first conceived our dream. Soon the memory of that first passion has faded and has been buried under the dust of what seems to be the more sensible, practical, affordable, accomplishable, not-so-painful undertakings of life. Maybe we talk ourselves out of it, "It really was a pretty perposterous idea to begin with..." Maybe we grew weary, "My knuckles are bloody from knocking on doors that refuse to open..." Maybe we our hearts became sick while hope was deferred. I think any or all of the above is common fare for any passionate dreamer.
Its been said before and continues to be repeated because of its truth, the difference between mere ideas scribbled on napkins and celebrating ribbon cuttings & ground-breakings is one's steadfast commitment to "Never give up"--on ourselves, on our dreams, or on the One for whom nothing is impossible.
I challenge you to remember your first love, your first passion, your first dream--what is it? Where is that vision? Is it crumpled up on some half-used napkin? Or is it the very life that courses through your soul each day marking out and motivating your journey?]]>
Baby Babytag:blogs.targetx.com,2008:/fuller/Mav//410.84702008-12-25T05:15:55Z2009-03-10T06:04:46Zbaby baby, can it be, could you really, truly be he? are you the one I’ve been waiting for, everything I could dream of and more? its almost too good to be true, that you’re here—its really you! I want...Mav Jenningstargetx
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. –Isaiah 9:6
"The virgin will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel—God with us." --Matthew 1:23
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My First Lovetag:blogs.targetx.com,2008:/fuller/Mav//410.83112008-12-08T07:33:23Z2009-03-10T06:05:17ZI think the first time I fell head-over-heels in love is when I heard the exquisite music of Over The Rhine. They were playing at the school where I did my undergrad and apparently were regular performers at this venue....Mav Jenningstargetx
Over The Rhine. They were playing at the school where I did my undergrad and apparently were regular performers at this venue. I went not at all knowing how my life would be changed in the department of music and poetry.
Despite being an aspiring wordsmith, I fail to find words adequate to do justice in describing the music of Over The Rhine. Sometimes sultry, sometimes rockabilly, sometimes sweet, sometimes sad, always stunning, married duo Karin and Linford maintain an utterly refreshing authenticity about life in their sound and lyrics. Karin says of her unabashed letting go on The Trumpet Child, “I had all this stuff bottled up and I was afraid that if I let it out, even musically, I’d be laughed at or, God forbid, misunderstood. Now, I’m more lost in it. More drunk on it. Far more out of control about it. Messy, juicy and tangled up.�? Husband Linford remarks, “On this project, I think we returned to the quintessential stuff that’s always interested us in our writing: spirituality, sexuality, living vividly, challenging the status quo and subtly taking power away from those who have too much and transferring it to people who have too little.�?
Maybe this is why I love them: they are not afraid to ask really difficult questions in life, they live passionately, they write authentically, and they inspire hope at the very same moment they acknowledge heartache. One of my absolute, all-time, favorite songs of theirs is Latter Days.
This weekend they played two shows in my area--one in LA and one here at Fuller Theological Seminary. I have been anticipating this weekend (aka: "Over the Rhine Fest '08") for many months--planning what to wear, who to go with, what we will do before the shows and after the shows, listening to their records...on repeat, trying desperately to sway last minute converts, and being generally giddy. Approximately 24 hours before their Saturday show I was hit with a wretched stomach bug which meant, among other things, no show for Mav. I was still under self-imposed quarantine, not wanting to risk inflicting such a miserable bug on anyone else, for tonight's show and moped around my apartment feeling very sorry for my sad little self. Instead of soaking up some of the music industry's most talented artists, I was sipping Gatorade and nursing applesauce. Very pathetic indeed.
Then around 10pm I got a call from some friends who wanted to stop by with "a little something." I love "little somethings" and surprise visits, especially when I'm sick. And oh my what a surprise they had: a get-well-soon card...signed by Linford and Karin and the entire OTR crew!!!! Complete with personal notes!!!! As well as the hand-written play list for the evening!!!! I'm still beaming and smiling from ear to ear.
I cherish the thoughtfulness of my friends to bring me such a gift and I am so touched by the kindness of this, my dearest most beloved band, to personally pause to brighten my otherwise sad weekend. As if I needed any more excuse to adore these wonderful people!
So, a heart full of thanks over flows! Thank you Libby and Grete for your friendship and amazingness. Thank you Linford and Karin for well-wishes and for sharing your extraordinary gifts with the rest of us. Thank you members of the OTR crew for signing my card and making my day!
And...if you've never been graced by the sounds of Over The Rhine...get thee to their site, listen, and be captivated!]]>
Tippecanoe and Tyler Tootag:blogs.targetx.com,2008:/fuller/Mav//410.82172008-12-01T22:38:11Z2009-03-10T06:05:47ZI recently watched the classic movie, "Fried Green Tomatos." In the movie, a discontented housewife (Evelyn Couch) meets a spunky elder woman (Ninny Threadgoode, played by the beloved Jessica Tandy) on a visit to a nursing home. Ninny engages Evelyn...Mav Jenningstargetx
Fried Green Tomatos." In the movie, a discontented housewife (Evelyn Couch) meets a spunky elder woman (Ninny Threadgoode, played by the beloved Jessica Tandy) on a visit to a nursing home. Ninny engages Evelyn in conversation and over the course of their visits, Ninny shares with Evelyn a lifetime of stories...and nestled within those stories are lessons about life, strength, identity, passion, love, justice and good old fashioned adventure!
Watching the movie and the women’s' relationship therein unfold, I was reminded of a dear woman whom I befriended in my early days in Texas. I was introduced to her by a dear friend of mine--she had been a long-time family friend of his and he brought me along for a visit. I remember the first time I met the spry Eunice Tyler in her cozy room at the Army Retirement Center. She was rosy-cheeked and absolutely vivacious as she shared stories of her younger years. She winked as she shared how close she had been to being my friend's grandmother and sighed as she remembered that love lost. When I asked her about the trophies on her dresser she hopped up, swept one up in her arms and did a little dance around the room telling us about her years as a competitive ballroom dancer--that was before she took up tennis competitively!
I was enamored as this woman shared story after story of her life. My friend and I bid her a fond farewell and left. I remember feeling like I had just had a rare and priceless encounter with a very special woman.
A few months later, my friend had since been stationed over seas, I contacted him to look into visiting Ms. Tyler on my own. I was so curious about her and her life and thought we could keep each other company. So I began visiting her on my own. Each week I'd visit, I'd stop at the gate to announce why I was there and every time I said I was visiting Eunice Tyler, the gate guard would wave and cheerily say, "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too!"
Oh how I loved my visits with Ms. Tyler. I learned that she was an Army nurse in the Philippines during World War II and that there was a whole book written about her and her fellow nurses, "We Band Of Angels." I read the entire book on a flight home for Christmas that year and was utterly spellbound. I felt a sense of awe and wonder as sat with this woman who was so poignantly a part of our history. As we ate together in the dining hall, I remember looking around the room as she pointed out various military commanders and officers--men and women who had each played vital roles in the events I only read about in history texts. We would enjoy a steaming mug of tea and some baked goods over conversation, or sit in the warm sun sharing bits of our lives together. I looked forward to our time together each week.
I was able to visit with Ms. Tyler for about six months before she passed away. I was grieved by the loss of such a special friend and yet I was so thankful for the opportunity to know this woman, to sit by her and soak up the rich stories and wisdom she had to share. Her daughter told me how delighted she was by my visits and I let her know just how special it was that she let me into her life and her heart.
When I remember my sweet time with Ms. Tyler, I think about the forgotten treasure that we have in our elders--oh the stories they have to tell and the lessons we have to learn from them! I think about the kind of elder I want to be--whether I'm a few years older or several generations. I think it is time we recovered the lost art of story-telling and of mentoring those who come after us. There are few richer gifts than that of a person who has gone before us and who is willing to tell us about their journey, to share with us their struggles and their victories, and to guide us along our own path.
I'd love to hear about a mentor or an elder that has had a particular influence on your life. What made him or her special to you? What lessons did you learn? How did you meet this person or start your relationship?
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Music, poetry and a great cup 'o joetag:blogs.targetx.com,2008:/fuller/Mav//410.80982008-11-21T19:57:06Z2008-12-01T23:10:55ZOn most Fridays, if you meander by the corner of Walnut and Oakland, you can catch the sweet sounds of Fuller's own gifted musical artists. For some years now, Coffee By the Books--an amazing fair trade coffee shop located in...Mav Jenningstargetx
On most Fridays, if you meander by the corner of Walnut and Oakland, you can catch the sweet sounds of Fuller's own gifted musical artists. For some years now, Coffee By the Books--an amazing fair trade coffee shop located in Fuller's Bookstore--has hosted a Friday Night Music series featuring the talents of Fuller's own student community. These evenings are a wonderful opportunity to support peers, kick back with some delicious coffee concoction, and soak up good music. I love that C by the B has provided such an opportunity and venue for people to share their gifts and passions with the community.
A few months ago I was thinking about these Friday night gatherings and thinking about my love of poetry. I remembered being dragged to my first open-mic poetry reading somewhat against my will. It was more about my fear of sharing my work with the public than it was about a dislike for the sharing of spoken word. When I finally mustered up the courage to share some of my own pieces it was one of the most profoundly cathartic and affirming moments I had experienced. I learned that regardless of what you have to say, the sharing of poetry is sacred business among poets--there is a respect, an admiration, and an appreciation for the raw honesty poetry affords. I remembered these things and decided it was time to bring such an opportunity to Fuller.
So I had a few conversations with my friends at C by the B and I hosted my first open-mic poetry reading this spring. The turn out was slim, but I was hopeful. We had a few readers who shared a combination of their own writings and the writings of beloved poets. I hosted a second reading this summer with a few more in attendance--word was spreading and poets were...well, not exactly flocking, but showing up!
A few weeks ago I hosted my third open-mic poetry reading and we had the biggest turn out ever both of listeners and of readers. We were so thrilled to see the response of Fuller's community to the opportunity to share--without censor--some of the deepest most intimate thoughts as expressed through poetry. I was elated!
One of the most precious gifts I think we have is our own story and the ability to share that with others. In the sharing of our stories, we find that we are not as alone as we may have dreaded; we are not as quirky as we may have feared; we are not as confused as we may have wondered; and we are as unique and magnificent as we may have hoped.
If you are in the area, or visiting Fuller over a weekend, I definitely encourage you to stop by Coffee By the Books on a Friday night around 7pm; you just might be amazed!
Oh the Wonder of it Alltag:blogs.targetx.com,2008:/fuller/Mav//410.75352008-10-14T07:35:09Z2008-10-14T07:47:28ZGod, there is this thing that you made this vast and dynamic and utterly wondrous expanse of creation our smartest, in all the centuries, have only begun to scratch the surface of understanding what you merely spoke into existence on...Mav Jenningstargetx
God,
there is this thing that you made
this vast and dynamic and utterly wondrous
expanse of creation
our smartest, in all the centuries, have only begun
to scratch the surface of understanding
what you merely spoke into existence
on the whole it is astounding
and yet each facet and aspect
is rich with its own
infinitely intricate beauty
I can but only wonder at it all
and yet in my awe at such phenomenon
I have a lingering longing
for that forgotten intimacy
in which creation once reveled
for long walks with you through the garden
in the cool of the evening
for ancient harmonies
and hymn sung by the galaxy's host
for the eloquence of the ancient tongue
by which all of creation joined in communion
speaking and dancing in magnificent sync
Oh how I long for the clarity of your presence and will--
for communication less abstract
and not so dependent upon our feeble skills of discernment
but I long, most of all, to walk by your side
my hand in yours
getting lost in your embrace
feeling you here, tangible
drinking in your radiance
A little back-story: An ordinary girl with an extraordinary dreamtag:blogs.targetx.com,2008:/fuller/Mav//410.74732008-10-08T08:43:52Z2008-10-08T08:44:15ZSo I've written a few reflections but I thought I would tell you a little more about me--where I've been and where I hope to go. As a girl I had the opportunity to go to summer camp. I enjoyed...Mav Jenningstargetx
they thought it was a good idea! But I was the one who would have to do the slave labor, not them. Needless to say I was not so much a "happy camper."
But something unearthly happened and two weeks later when my parents came to pick me up, I begged them to stay the rest of the summer as a kitchen aid. I'm not sure that I can actually explain what happened, but I found something I loved to do--not only that, but some seeds were planted in my heart and a vision began to develop.
Over the years that I worked on work crew, then completed a counselor/leadership training course, then worked as a counselor on staff, God developed within me a vision and a dream for working with kids in a rugged outdoor setting. But this is not your regular summer camp idea. I started a notebook full of ideas for opening a foster home on a working ranch that would serve as a sort of alternative corrections facility for youth in the justice system.
During the some 15 years since I first got this idea, I have prayed for and pursued God's direction in how to accomplish such a dream. I used some extra elective courses in college to take some classes in criminal justice and juvenile justice to test the waters and see if this was in fact something I still wanted to pursue...and my passion grew.
After college I worked as a foster mom at a youth ranch living in a home with 6-8 teenage girls raising them, teaching them, loving them, cooking for them, praying for them, and driving them here, there and everywhere! On my off days, I covered for the teen boys' house. This adventure of foster-momhood and the beautiful children that were mine for those two years gave me some of the greatest joy I've ever known and brought me some of the deepest grief I've ever endured. Through it all, the fire of my passion for working with troubled teens burned brighter and stronger.
I continued to seek God's direction for the next step, for the next piece of the puzzle in realizing my dream. God allowed me some seemingly random experiences working to help a couple open and run a gelato cafe, working as an assistant to a social worker in a dialysis clinic, changing dialysis companies to work as an office manager/administrator opening five new clinics in the city and training other area office managers. During this journey of collecting experiences and skills God slowly revealed his plan for me to come to Fuller and be trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist.
This conclusion came after considering and researching various other paths including studying business (how to run an organization), agriculture (I did want to open a working cattle ranch among other things), criminal justice (maybe becoming a probation officer was the ticket), social work (close but not quite right), and finally, marriage and family therapy (yes! that's it. That one fit just right!) And so to Fuller I came, by the grace of God who opened the doors for me and West I headed.
Throughout my training and education at Fuller, God continued to not only affirm my calling to a ministry of healing and hope through therapy, but he continued to shape and sharpen my vision. As I relished the sweet blessing of community and as I learned about family systems, God started deepening and expanding my vision. I started to think about how I could involve the entire community in my ranch. I absolutely love to cook and have always thought it would be spectacular to open a bakery & cafe; as I thought more about it, I realized that this piece could work beautifully with my ranch. The cafe could serve as revenue for the ranch, could serve as a connection between the community and the kids, could provide a place for the youth to gain work experience in a grace-filled yet no-nonsense environment, could afford youth opportunities to grow and develop talents according to their various giftings. Over time, the relationship between the youth and the community would be fostered--I especially want to focus on connecting youth with elders who have little or no family support--and hopefully we could work to train a village to raise and love these forgotten and cast aside youth.
Of course, this is all a very rough sketch of the vision and there are so many more facets and details. As I get older and continue on in my journey toward realizing this dream, God adds more layers and hues painting a more and more vivid and rich picture of the ministry he has planned for me.
My current project is working to finish my internship so I can become a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I work at a local community mental health agency that provides mental health services for a generally higher risk population. Currently all the clients in my caseload are ages 18 and younger and have all experienced some sort of trauma or abuse in their lives. Additionally, I lead anger management education groups for adolescent boys who are on probation. The work is hard, and the realities my clients face are heart breaking. But ever resilient hope remains and I have the honor and the privilege of speaking truth into their lives and administering healing to their broken hearts. Transformation is rarely immediate, but growth and thriving are evident, and God's merciful and compassionate hand is upon them.
I struggle with impatience in these in-between times of preparation and in spite of my child-like sense of urgency to get on with things, I see the beauty and the relevance in each experience of preparation and training. Each opportunity provides me with another tool to add to my box equipping me to become the best servant I can become for the work God has created me for.
I look forward to keeping you posted on my journey. I love the opportunity to talk about dreams, whether their mine or yours so I'd love to hear about your dreams, your vision, your calling. One of the best pieces of advice I got from my college chaplain, "Never stop dreaming and never stop talking about your dream--you just never know who you're talking to!"
What is your dream?
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