Today was the day. I was going to quit my OSU Calling job. Without a doubt. I’ve been preparing for this all week. I used up all my vacation days and extra “break time� minutes. I tied up all loose ends. I was ready to call it quits.
Today is also the day they were doing evaluations. I knew I would be having a chat with a supervisor, because I haven’t exactly been asking every person three times in a row to give a certain amount of money. I mean, when they’re yelling or complaining, I never feel like asking two more times will actually make things better, and it usually makes things worse. So I knew someone would be speaking to me about that at some point…after all, it is a requirement of the job.
So when a supervisor (one who I was convinced hated me) said she needed to speak with me in the lobby, I figured it was to warn me or fire me or something, so I just said “Oh, don’t worry, I’m quitting today anyway.� She was surprised and said she still wanted to talk to me.
I had a good heart-to-heart with this person who I thought hated me. I thought I was just leaving this job because it was unpleasant and too time consuming. But when she pressed me for the “real� reason, I was surprised to find myself saying I didn’t think I was doing well compared to my co-workers and I didn’t believe I was capable of this job. I hate when this happens…I have a tendency to beat myself up about a lot of, well, everything, and it’s something I’ve really been working on. Every time I’m convinced I’ve improved upon this, it pops up somewhere, like a job or a friendship or academics or something. Which only causes me to be even more frustrated with myself…it’s a vicious cycle.
She started to point out all the good things I had been doing, like being very friendly and enthusiastic when talking to alumni, and being genuinely interested in them. I knew I had improved on at least a few conversational skills from this job. I started to really evaluate this choice I was making…after all, I have had a few very enjoyable conversations with alumni.
So I didn’t quit. Unfortunately, I’ll have to, because I have plans for many weekends ahead with family and friends, and I have no vacation days left. Plus, I do need more time for myself…I work all year long, and doing two jobs in the summer without transportation is a little much for me right now.
But I did take away something from that evaluation…the supervisor said that even if I was going to leave the job, to not leave thinking I didn’t do well. It was important to focus on what I had accomplished.
Like I said, I hate when that happens.