My music library underwent a fantastic explosion today. Mary introduced me to Sea Wolf, and once I started to look into them, the domino theory—in part responsible for the death of communism—took effect and I was on an indie music binge. Sea Wolf, Seabear (strange coincidence), Division Day, Great Northern, Rogue Wave, The Most Serene Republic, Shout Out Louds, Portugal the Man—the list goes on.

With the quarter winding to a quick end, I’ve started reflecting on the person I came here as and comparing him to the person I hope to leave here as. I didn’t learn as much in the classroom as I expected. I ended up skipping more classes than I should have, slacking hardcore on my assignments, and doing just enough to do well in each class. I’m not dedicated to my studies, I’ve packed myself with more extracurriculars than I can effectively handle, and anything that I’ve done to put on a résumé was just that.

Sure, I’ve accomplished so much more than I expected of myself when I arrived on campus. I have yet to get any grade lower than an A-, I’m a section editor for the journal of undergraduate research (JUROS), and am transitioning to the role of Content Editor-in-Chief of Fisher Ink right now. I guess I’ve got a lot going for me, and I can’t say I’m disappointed. But if there’s anything I learned this year, it’s that there’s so much that doesn’t matter with regard to “what’s important in college” and that, sometimes, it’s better to “waste your time” with friends.

I’ve met some of the most amazing people this year—especially in the last two weeks. But to get here I’ve had to take so much flak and lose so many people behind. It hurts to grow as a person, to know when you need to move on. It hurts even more to not look back at the damage you’ve caused. Because you wonder about how these people’s lives would have been without you, about how your life would have been without them. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I realized that I’m self-centered and shallow. I don’t put enough effort into people as I need to, and I don’t care as much as I should. I say I try, but I know I could do so much more. I’ve realized how necessary people are in my life, and I’m getting better at dealing with that and learning how to handle whatever circumstances I’m drawn into because of it.

I’m not used to a lot of this. I’m sick of making excuses for my inability to read people, to know what’s appropriate, to know when I’ve done something wrong. I don’t want to be the person riding the learning curve the whole way; it’s not fair to anyone who has to put up with me. And this is what I’m going to take home with me this summer. I’m not going to remember any of the material on my anthropology midterm, but I’m going to know my strengths and weaknesses better, and I’m going to know who I can call when I pass a sushi restaurant in my hometown.

I don’t want to think about the person I was before coming to OSU anymore. Because I’m not that person anymore, and I have so many people to thank for that. College has been the best experience of my life so far—and I know that sounds so trite, but until you’ve experienced it you have no idea. With all the bad that’s come along with this year, keeping in mind everything I’ve lost and sacrificed, I know I’m leaving here next month a better person.