Why can’t I do anything without regretting it? I dropped accounting because I thought it wasn’t for me. But what if it is? What if it is, and now I’ll never know. Communication better be for me, because it’s getting kind of late in the game to keep switching up my majors.

I’ve never wanted to be anything in my life. I can’t remember a time when I was younger and wanted to be a fireman or a doctor or even a cashier. Doesn’t every kid want to be something?

I wish I wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant. Some kind of job that makes good money. Is it wrong that I think it’s unfair that some people are naturally inclined to those sorts of jobs? But maybe I’m just the kind of person who’s never going to have a steady job, who’s going to change with the times, who’s never going to be rich because the jobs that I like don’t command that kind of money. Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ll find where I fit if I just keep going for a while. I don’t know how long I should give it before I give up.

Yesterday a friend told me that it’s unfortunate that the business college is going to “lose a brilliant mind.” I was so flattered—and kind of sad. Maybe I belong in the business college…maybe just not in accounting. You know? Of course not. I don’t even know. Now I’m just ranting. But, anyway, he said I was driven and one of the most ambitious people he’s ever met. He said he was impressed when he met me. The thing is, I don’t see these qualities in myself. I never have. I want to, but I never have.

I like to be busy. I like to be juggling many different tasks at once. I like deadlines. I don’t like getting to work at a specific time each day. I don’t want a clock to run my life. I like to edit. I like to design. I like the word aesthetic. I have problems with authority. I tell myself what to do. I need to have control over everything—and if I don’t have control, no one better have control. I don’t like to wear ties—unless I can dress it up in a preppy, completely nonbusiness way. I like words and the alphabet and typography. What am I?