3 weeks left in my PBU career... wow
Senioritus set in at the beginning of the semester, it was a big struggle but this whole semester was caked with big struggles. I sit here now, after not updating in twenty days faced with two count downs. I have less than three weeks left as a college student at Philadelphia Biblical University, and I have 62 days left as a civilian before entering the Army.
I was approached today but someone who means a lot to me about the fact that I have no updated my blog to which I responded with a shrug 'I have nothing to write about'. That couldn't be farther from the truth, the truth is I have been up and down on a physical, emotional, and Spiritual roller coaster. I have been sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, frightened, happy, content, joyful, blessed, broken, and lost over the past semester. I have learned a myriad of things over my time at PBU but very few really hit me like the reactions to the events that unfolded this semester.
21 June 2009, do you know what that is? That is the last day that I am a youth pastor at Elkins Park Presbyterian Church before handing it over to someone else. Am I scared to join the Army? No. Am I scared to be deployed and go to war? No. Am I scared that I did not serve to the utmost of my ability and some how handicapped or took away from what God wanted to do in these student's lives? Yes, deeply terrified.
I have spent 4.5 years, including a semester at PSU Delco to play hockey while doing my Pastoral Internship, learning and applying what I have learned at PBU to ministry. Even while playing hockey I found myself in Biblical conversations in the locker room and leading the team in prayer before games and before periods. When I worked as a bouncer over one of the summers I was continually barraged by men and women who were seeking answers and some how got in a conversation with me about studying the Bible. I would talk for hours to these people as they ordered drinks and I checked I.D.s about God, Scripture, Church history, everything.
I have been a youth leader just leading small groups, a discipleship group leader, 4x4 ministry leader, a youth pastor, pastoral intern, I have done special needs ministry at a summer camp, been a camp counselor at a secular camp and found ways to share the Gospel still, and I have written Bible studies for 4x4 clubs that want to start Bible studies. I have been on a missions trip to N. Ireland, Trenton, NJ, and Philadelphia, PA. I have done volunteer work all over the greater Philadelphia area. I have read through the whole Bible, a book I never read the Old Testament of before coming to PBU, 4 times now and about to finish my 5th time through. I have enough credit hours to almost have a double major, I have no enjoyed every class and every professor but have loved the majority. I have pulled all nighters writing papers I forgot about, printed two copies and tore one up after being so frustrated while writing.
I have cursed at the syllabus on the first day of class dreading the course load and pleaded for more on the last day. I have befriended professors, sat in their office and shared personal problems seeking advice, I have prayed with and for my professors as they have with me and for me.
I have been prepared and I have been tested. In 4.5 years I have done more than any of my friends at any other University that I have talked to. I have more life experience, ministry experience and real world maturing than anyone I know but still I feel lacking. I love those kids, each and every one of them. Their faces, names and stories are burned into my mind and I will never let the memories go. I would go into hell to grab them out if it came down to it, they are important and have become like family. Still I worry that I fell short.
The one thing that has encouraged me through this is the fact that many people around me, friends in particular, are in ministry and we have worked together. I have prayed over everything from big outreach event plans to one of my student's mother's losing a job, with a friend here at PBU. Though they never met my youth group and I never met theirs we are connected through prayer to each other's ministries. I am also confident in Carly, who is taking my position. PBU has prepared her and over the last year of doing ministry side by side I have seen the youth group attach to her. When students become like family we are willing to push past worrying about 'what will they think' or 'what if they don't think I am cool' because what is most important is the eternal. I hope that one day I get to see all their faces in heaven, hanging out and playing some games and talking about memories of youth group together.
In case I don't blog again,
Thank you PBU.
- Tyler Meade
