(this entry is a back dated selection from my journal JUNE 10)

june 9

So I've come to the conclusion that L.A. is lost! Yeah you heard me! L.A. is lost and it can't find itself!! It thinks it's…somewhere….maybe over there…well…maybe.

Ever since I arrived here something's been up. Everyone I ask for directions doesn't seem to know where they are let alone where I'm trying to go!

A couple times now I've gotten directions to go someplace and when I get close and get off of the Freeway I need to make sure I'm heading in the correct direction…and it seems that each time I ask someone which way is West…I end up going South and each I ask which way is East….sure enough now I'm going West!

And lets not mistake this for a tragic impairment of MY directional skills because let me tell you I fully know that the ocean is ALWAYS west, but just like in Chicago, where the lake is ALWAYS east…I can't always see the ocean so…how is one to know which way is which when you spend forever winding around in circles on the freeway. And furthermore, L.A. has no grid system like Chi-town. NO SIR. Instead it's filled with windy-apathetic roads that eventually decide they don't want to exist anymore until you get to another part of town and there's that street again (WHAT?)!

The other difficulty is that the states freeway labeling/planning crew obviously got to work late they day they planned placing signs on the highway because there are a few too many and there's no real cohesive system of how many miles between one sign and the exit….it's all RANDOM!

FURTHERMORE!! At night all of the little highway gnomes come out of hiding and start their construction work…but before they can start working on the road they first have to efficiently orange cone the road until nobody can go more than 5 miles per hour because there's no place to move AND they have to place their construction signs right in front of the signs for which exit is which…. EFFICIENTLY making it so that I have so far driven 200 some unnecessary miles trying to get home each evening!!!!! WHY?

I think this is why there's so much smog…nobody can get off the road…everyone's like, "uh…are we there…I think we're close…I don't know…What highway are we on now?...I don't know there hadn't been a sign in 12 miles…" and so on!

Now if people could just get their acts together and hire me as President of the universe then we could get all of this straitened out! And if that can't happen then….

Governor Schwarzenegger, if you're reading this….GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER or you'll have to be terminated (aren't I punny!?).

THE END