Independence Day – My Daughter is ready- Am I?
My story begins in September with my daughter’s first day of school in her senior year of high school. We have experienced so many of these days; however, on that day there was something different in the air. I realized that this would be her last- first day of school under my wing. Her next - first day of school would be in a different place, with different surroundings and with people she didn’t know.
Each day of her senior year in high school brought new information about colleges and different responsibilities that only she could manage in order to get into the college of her choice. She has always talked about going away to college (Georgia, Kentucky, and Indiana) and I suppose that I silently hoped that she would end up at a school closer to home. We visited many colleges during the year and my daughter fell in love with one school above all others – Saint Leo University in Florida.
In December 2006, my daughter received a package from Saint Leo University in Florida. It was a conditional acceptance letter. She began crying tears of joy from excitement. At that moment, I was both excited and scared to death and I immediately began to worry because I knew that she was going to be too far away.
As I stated above, the letter that my daughter received from Saint Leo was a conditional acceptance letter. The condition was that she must participate in a summer program at the Saint Leo campus in Florida. This program was called “Leap�. My daughter had received acceptance letters from several colleges and this was the only school to impose this condition. However, this was the school she wanted to go to.
After contacting the school, we received all the details regarding the Leap program and my daughter accepted the offer. So we prepared for her to leave earlier than her other friends to begin her career in college.
My husband and I have always gone above and beyond the necessary means to see to it that our children are in a safe environment. We could never be comfortable with our child being that far from home in a new world and have no extension what so ever. Therefore, I was about to leave early to begin my daughter’s career in college too.
I am lucky and have a very large support group. My husband and I purchased a home in Florida, approximately 20 miles from the school. I arranged to network my business between Florida and Virginia and I trusted my home in Virginia to my husband and son. (That was another scary story
I know that this was an extreme move on the part of a parent; however, we could not be comfortable leaving her in a new city, at a new school, with only a hand full of students instead of a campus full. I am blessed by the opportunity to have been able to make it work. The decision to make this move was for her father and me more than it was for our daughter.
My daughter and I were about to begin a new experience. So I thought. You see, once my daughter started at Saint Leo, she was so busy and the school made sure to schedule many programs, that I never had a chance to see her. I offered to pick her up and buy dinner or take her here or there or just to let her stay at the house with me. She almost always said “no�, she always had other plans. She had made so many friends and was enjoying her classes so much; she simply didn’t need me to be there.
Now, I have to admit that I was unsure how to handle this. I was glad for her excitement and independence; however, I was also unsure what to do with the fact that she didn’t need me anymore. The Residence Assistants did a wonderful job of looking out for her and keeping things in line. I actually found myself not only depending on these “RA’s� but also trusting them. This says a lot for a mom that would move from one state to the other for a summer program.
You may think that I am crazy for going to this extreme; however, I am so glad that I did. You see, I had the experience that not all parents get. I got to know the area around the school, the hot spots that the students “hang out� in and the people in the area. I found them all to be very easy to get to, safe and very pleasant. Everyone respects the areas that “you don’t go to� and the city is full of very nice people, always smiling and always offering a “hello�. I stopped by the campus once or twice and there was always an “RA� available. So, I became comfortable with the area myself. It helps, because now I know and can picture where she is going. The one decision I did make while I was down there was that my daughter would not have her car on campus. As a freshman, the only place she would be allowed to drive would be off campus. I did not want her driving the city until she knew it better. However, if you choose to allow your child a car as a freshman, be assured that getting around is easy, it is basically a large circle. Please note that the speed limits are to be respected. There have been several accidents on “Curly Rd�, some even fatal, and the highways are very fast. This is to be respected at all times. If they are in no hurry and respect the rules, they will be fine. I personally will not allow my daughter her car until she gets to know people and the area first.
Now the summer program is over, we are home for a couple weeks and then my husband and I must bring her back and leave her there alone. My next biggest fear is that I will be coming home and thrust into an instant “empty nest�. You see our son, who is older than my daughter has also moved out to attend college at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) in Richmond, VA. So, when I return home, my whole life will be different. My kids were my best friends; they kept me busy, drove me crazy and kept me young. I hear many people say that they can’t wait for their kids to leave so that they can be on their own, not us. We truly enjoyed our kids – we like the people they have become. They taught me something new every day. I’m more afraid of my days becoming routine.
So, I drive my kids crazy by requesting that they call me at least twice a day. I ask that they call once in the morning and once at the end of the day when they are back in their respective homes for the evening. Yes, this drives them crazy, however, I remind them that this is not to check up on them, this is what I need to get used to the idea that they are not under my wing anymore. I assure them that eventually, I won’t require so much upkeep. In the meantime, we review what “budget� means to mom and dad and that curfews are still to be respected (compromising of course). Learning to let go on my side, learning to have limited independence on their side all the while getting an education; these are today’s experiences.
So where to from here? I was not sure I would know who I was without my kids. I only know how to be mom. Although, I am having a few struggles with my days not being engulfed in teenage issues, picking up after everyone again and again. Having fears that maybe my daughter won’t still need me, that my son will still think of mom and call to say “hi� and, will my husband remember my name, are all finding their place. So, I’ve learned that I have some growing to do. I have to find out who I am without being so needed.