My story begins in September with my daughter’s first day of school in her senior year of high school. We have experienced so many of these days; however, on that day there was something different in the air. I realized that this would be her last- first day of school under my wing. Her next - first day of school would be in a different place, with different surroundings and with people she didn’t know.

Each day of her senior year in high school brought new information about colleges and different responsibilities that only she could manage in order to get into the college of her choice. She has always talked about going away to college (Georgia, Kentucky, and Indiana) and I suppose that I silently hoped that she would end up at a school closer to home. We visited many colleges during the year and my daughter fell in love with one school above all others – Saint Leo University in Florida.

In December 2006, my daughter received a package from Saint Leo University in Florida. It was a conditional acceptance letter. She began crying tears of joy from excitement. At that moment, I was both excited and scared to death and I immediately began to worry because I knew that she was going to be too far away.

As I stated above, the letter that my daughter received from Saint Leo was a conditional acceptance letter. The condition was that she must participate in a summer program at the Saint Leo campus in Florida. This program was called “Leap�. My daughter had received acceptance letters from several colleges and this was the only school to impose this condition. However, this was the school she wanted to go to.

After contacting the school, we received all the details regarding the Leap program and my daughter accepted the offer. So we prepared for her to leave earlier than her other friends to begin her career in college.

My husband and I have always gone above and beyond the necessary means to see to it that our children are in a safe environment. We could never be comfortable with our child being that far from home in a new world and have no extension what so ever. Therefore, I was about to leave early to begin my daughter’s career in college too.

I am lucky and have a very large support group. My husband and I purchased a home in Florida, approximately 20 miles from the school. I arranged to network my business between Florida and Virginia and I trusted my home in Virginia to my husband and son. (That was another scary story ) My husband drove our daughter and myself to Florida, hauling a trailer full of supplies for both of us. He stayed for the weekend, ran several errands between the college campus and our new home and then, he made the 900 mile trip back home, alone.

I know that this was an extreme move on the part of a parent; however, we could not be comfortable leaving her in a new city, at a new school, with only a hand full of students instead of a campus full. I am blessed by the opportunity to have been able to make it work. The decision to make this move was for her father and me more than it was for our daughter.

My daughter and I were about to begin a new experience. So I thought. You see, once my daughter started at Saint Leo, she was so busy and the school made sure to schedule many programs, that I never had a chance to see her. I offered to pick her up and buy dinner or take her here or there or just to let her stay at the house with me. She almost always said “no�, she always had other plans. She had made so many friends and was enjoying her classes so much; she simply didn’t need me to be there.

Now, I have to admit that I was unsure how to handle this. I was glad for her excitement and independence; however, I was also unsure what to do with the fact that she didn’t need me anymore. The Residence Assistants did a wonderful job of looking out for her and keeping things in line. I actually found myself not only depending on these “RA’s� but also trusting them. This says a lot for a mom that would move from one state to the other for a summer program.

You may think that I am crazy for going to this extreme; however, I am so glad that I did. You see, I had the experience that not all parents get. I got to know the area around the school, the hot spots that the students “hang out� in and the people in the area. I found them all to be very easy to get to, safe and very pleasant. Everyone respects the areas that “you don’t go to� and the city is full of very nice people, always smiling and always offering a “hello�. I stopped by the campus once or twice and there was always an “RA� available. So, I became comfortable with the area myself. It helps, because now I know and can picture where she is going. The one decision I did make while I was down there was that my daughter would not have her car on campus. As a freshman, the only place she would be allowed to drive would be off campus. I did not want her driving the city until she knew it better. However, if you choose to allow your child a car as a freshman, be assured that getting around is easy, it is basically a large circle. Please note that the speed limits are to be respected. There have been several accidents on “Curly Rd�, some even fatal, and the highways are very fast. This is to be respected at all times. If they are in no hurry and respect the rules, they will be fine. I personally will not allow my daughter her car until she gets to know people and the area first.

Now the summer program is over, we are home for a couple weeks and then my husband and I must bring her back and leave her there alone. My next biggest fear is that I will be coming home and thrust into an instant “empty nest�. You see our son, who is older than my daughter has also moved out to attend college at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) in Richmond, VA. So, when I return home, my whole life will be different. My kids were my best friends; they kept me busy, drove me crazy and kept me young. I hear many people say that they can’t wait for their kids to leave so that they can be on their own, not us. We truly enjoyed our kids – we like the people they have become. They taught me something new every day. I’m more afraid of my days becoming routine.

So, I drive my kids crazy by requesting that they call me at least twice a day. I ask that they call once in the morning and once at the end of the day when they are back in their respective homes for the evening. Yes, this drives them crazy, however, I remind them that this is not to check up on them, this is what I need to get used to the idea that they are not under my wing anymore. I assure them that eventually, I won’t require so much upkeep. In the meantime, we review what “budget� means to mom and dad and that curfews are still to be respected (compromising of course). Learning to let go on my side, learning to have limited independence on their side all the while getting an education; these are today’s experiences.

So where to from here? I was not sure I would know who I was without my kids. I only know how to be mom. Although, I am having a few struggles with my days not being engulfed in teenage issues, picking up after everyone again and again. Having fears that maybe my daughter won’t still need me, that my son will still think of mom and call to say “hi� and, will my husband remember my name, are all finding their place. So, I’ve learned that I have some growing to do. I have to find out who I am without being so needed.

My last entry related to letting go, getting used to being an “empty nester� and the fears of the unknown. Although I continue to work on all of these issue along with it comes yet another new experience.

Now you must first understand a few things about our past (knowing that you will relate by replacing words in my sentences as needed).

Like most parents these days my husband and I have tried very hard to expose our children to many new and exciting opportunities. Along with their involvement, being a parent of the 21st century, my husband and I also got involved every step of the way. We have been boy scout den leaders (yes, even mom was in an appropriate uniform), we have been girl scout leaders (sorry to break the visual, but dad did not wear that uniform), we have been room parents in school, drivers in the parades, fundraisers, homework helpers and cheerleading coaches (in both meanings of the word). We have put a lot of energy into the definition of family and considerably went out of our way to make sure that all of us were together to support each other regardless of who had the spotlight that day.

Even though we have shared so much together, I always thought that my relationship as a mom was different from that of a dad and a child. I felt that my children could and would come to me with the most important issues in their lives and it was then up to me to offer it to their dad at the right moment. My children and I would always have these intimate conversations and they would reveal (what they thought) were their biggest secrets (occasionally, they would surprise me). When my son was a little boy and going through some very difficult emotional times, he could not talk about, we came up with an idea to write things in a notebook. He would write his feelings and thoughts then place it under my pillow, then I would respond and put it under his pillow. This way, he did not have to feel embarrassed no matter what the topic was and I would not make the mistake of belittling his feelings with a flip, quick, in-a-moment’s response. It worked out very well and got him through some uncomfortable times.

My daughter and I would talk in her room at the end of everyday. She would give me all the latest on everyone and we would talk about how she was doing. We would talk through anything she wanted. We would have girl’s night out (nails, hair, shopping, etc.) and constantly chat about the day’s events and issues.

As I am struggling to get used to my children not being around, I have also found myself faced with the fact that they are calling dad to discuss concerns or anything that might be on their mind. They are calling him several times a day. I do get a phone call or two, however, I get the quick conversations and the “I’m fines�, I never seem to get the heart-to-heart conversations.

Now, Dads, you might be thinking – Venus vs. Mars or that father’s have those conversations too. I am sure that many or most of you do. However, when it is the normal for one parent to be familiar with these “sharing times�, it seems as though something else has been taken from you that was special between you and your child.

I wanted so badly to get upset with my daughter and ask her why she was pulling away. I wanted to know just what I had done to deserve this treatment. But I have just begun to realize that although I was the emotional support in our household, her father was her protector. She feels safe with him and by him. I believe that her reaching out to him through these phone conversations may be her way of feeling safe.

I have often asked her why she seems to be so distant. I tend to forget that she has a lot going on in her life right now. That as much as I am trying to find out who I am now, she is trying even harder to do the same thing.

There is a plaque that I have on the wall in my kitchen, it reads, “There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children – one is roots, the other wings�. I have done my best to raise my children with this in mind. I never imagined that the hardest thing that I could learn to give my child was space.

I have taught her right from wrong to the best of my ability. I have witnessed her make good choices. I have loved her with all my heart. Now, I must learn to sit back and watch her spread her wings. It is now her time to show me the person that I have worked so hard to teach.

Together, you and I must have done well so far, after all, we are sending our children off to better themselves even farther, and so far, they have made it.

After a long 12 weeks, I finally got my baby home during the Holiday. She slept in her own bed, took the longest showers in history and had her favorite breakfast request every morning. She caught up with old friends and again spent way too much time away from home, but at least she was under my roof again at night.

It’s funny I thought I was getting used to her being away from home, however, I found that I slept much better with her in her own bed at home. I am so looking forward to Christmas this year more now than ever before so I can have my kids home yet again.

She has changed, of course, she has matured. She tells jokes and stories now without "bleeping" out all the bad words and as she tells us of some of the things that her and her friends do, I recall doing with my friends at her age. Although she’s growing up she is still and will always be my “little girl�.

It’s funny; you wait with almost uncontrollable excitement to welcome your college students home for the holiday, however, the rush of the holiday season combined with the plans that your child has to visit all the friends that they haven’t seen for a while, seem to invade any opportunity for an uninterrupted conversation.

You spend much of the season bragging about your children at every holiday event. You glow as you visit all the relatives and witness the conversations they have with your child about their colleges and their experiences they have been having. You listen to the answers that your child gives to many of the questions, finding yourself learning more about your child with every answer. Then it dawns on you, the child that you dropped off at school in August has slowly turned into an independent, responsible and respectful young adult. They are changing and becoming their own person, and even to a point of surprise to you, they do know how to handle things well and they do know what they want.

Talking to your child daily, knowing what they are up to or into is still a part of the daily routine. Staying involved is still just as important to keeping them on track. However, you breathe a bit easier because once the New Year has come and they head back to school, they are experienced college students. They now realize what is expected of them and what they need to do to handle that responsibility. They now realize more than ever, that it is their job and there are no excuses or reasoning in the world they can use that will explain why they’re not on track. Hard work and commitment is the key to success. (No, they aren’t just words on a plaque...)

From our family to yours – Wishing you a Happy and Rewarding New Year