SNHU: McKendy Fils-Aime

My Summer & Return to SNHU (2008 Fall Semester)

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 23:05:09 -0500

Hello all! I know its been a while...Well 3 months to be exact. Let me tell you about my summer. As you all know, most college students go back home after their Spring semester. The end of this semester usually signifies the beginning of summer vacation subsequently causing most students to go home. Like most students, I spent most of my summer working. Unlike my classmates, work was not a huge factor of my summer. A few weeks after school ended, I was invited to join the 2008 New Hampshire Slam Poetry Team. In my previous blog entry, I stated that I did not make the slam team for 2008. This all changed, however, due to some complications with the team. Other than working, I spent most of the summer doing poetry shows and competitions with the team. Around early August, we drove to Madison Wisconsin to compete in the National Poetry Slam. The drive was about 24 hours combined. The Team (From left to right: Mckendy Fils-Aime, Cara Loiser, Mark Palos, Cassandra de Alba, Sam Teitel, BOTTOM: Michelle Saturely) We spent an eternity in New York state. About halfway through the trip, we stopped in Cleveland, Ohio and visited the World's Largest Rubber Stamp. We reached Madison safely and went sightseeing. We competed in a few bouts. We did went to a lot of cyphers during nationals. BTW: Poetry Cypher- An unofficial event where poets gather and each reads a poem. In all, it was an amazing experience. I've learned a lot and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I'll be going out for the NH Slam Team again, this coming year. Hopefully I make it. I'll tell you guys more about my experiences later. Goodbye for now Mckendy

Good news, Kind of Bad news, poetry, and things in between!

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:59:30 -0500

Hey, I hope all is well. During the craziness of this last week of school, I've decided to give you an update on my life. So its the last week of school before finals and I have an obscene amount of work that I have to hand in. Its ridiculous, believe me. Despite the massive amount of papers that I have to type, I've found some leisure time here and there. Yet still, I want for summer to arrive already. Around the same time of my last blog, I was about to test for my step exam for karate. The good news is that I passed. The bad news is...well there is no bad news in this area of my life. I'm simply one step away from my second degree black belt test. In one of my previous blogs, I spoke about how I made it into the NH Slam Poetry Finals. Last Friday was the finals. There were ten of us who battled it out for five spots on the slam team and an alternate position. Despite my best efforts, I didn't place. Don't worry folks, I'm not mad. In fact I'm very happy for the winners who will be representing our state at Nationals. It makes me proud to have participated in such a great competition. In addition, the loss has motivated me to battle it out in more slams and improve my performance pieces all together. Unlike last season, I'm not going to wait until the 8th slam to try and make it to finals. Next season, I plan on trying to secure a spot for finals as early as I can. This may mean losing a few slams, but I'm prepared for that. On the lighter side of things, I wrote a new poem. I'm not sure whether it has performance piece material or not. I haven't thought of a title for it yet. I hope you enjoy. UNTITLED When I was younger, I felt whole. Everything was simple; life was simple. I disowned the worries of my world. I ignored them for as long as I could. One day one of these issues grew too big and took something from me. I thought I needed to get this piece back. I thought if I could, I'd be able to take off the badge labeled "Faker". I began my search... I chased what I thought meant infinity. I tried to capture it. Tried to reinstall it into my system. But it didn't work. The program was too corrupt. Now, I search for an alternative. I want to break my genetic code. I want to take the data and rearrange it. I'll do anything to replace this missing piece. If I can accomplish this, then maybe I can continue to outlive this thing called responsibility. My only choice now is to work with what I have left. But its hard. Its hard to move on when something's not there. I feel so empty without it. The reality that I relied on is gone. There's only the truly "real" left. My ontology has been questioned. The lawyer asks me "who are you?" My reply is: I am M.C. I am Mack. Unbeknownst to him, I've committed perjury. I defined my existence with simple epithets. The reality is that my definienses are lost in time. I haven't really had any since I was in middle school. You see, when you can't commit to who you are, its meaning gets lost. So you become an actor. Life becomes like a play, starring you. You portray these characters, and all is fun until things get serious. Until you have to make promises that you don't want to keep. This is when things get too tough. The real people would run in headfirst, but not you. Its not your problem because you never really cared in the first place So you leave. You give up. The responsibility is too much. That's what happened to me. I became the faker. There were times that I wondered which role I would play next? The brother? The uncle? The father? The teacher? The student? The friend? The poet? Which role will I use to emulate this fate? Without any, you see me as an empty dictionary. Flip through my pages and read the blank words. I swear there's something there that I'm missing. If I could throw some flashy phrases in it I would be filled...temporarily. Momentarily, I would have a new name and the charade would continue. I could run off into the night, unnoticed, and continue living this fantasy. Now on any given day this would have been acceptable. On any given day, I would have gotten away with it. But not today. Not at this point in my life. You see, I'm almost twenty, and it seems like truth is calling for my attention... And I'm starting to look in its direction. It seems like truth has made its last stand against me. Truth has taken matters into its own hands. Truth wants me to atone for my sins. I don't think I'm ready yet, but truth doesn't care. I look truth in the eyes and see the doorway to life. The doorway to a real life. The life that I had played with yet not embraced for years. The life that had wars that I didn't want to hear about. The life that had friends that I lost. The life where I could've gained true love. Its my life that I see. As I walk towards it, I hear "time to grow up kid." I guess the fun and games are over. These meaningless roles I've assigned myself are irrelevant. There's no point in being the lead in this Divine Comedy when no one is laughing. When truth crashes into you, it burns. I lay scorched by these flames… I guess it’s time to replace my nametag with one named "Adult" So...that's my life update. I hope you enjoyed. I'll try to blog one more time before the end of the semester. If I don't, see you in the fall. Mckendy

CLOSE TO THE END

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 11:01:08 -0500

Hello everyone, I know its been a while, but that's because I've been really busy as of late. The semester is coming to a close which means more work than ever. In addition, the more important assignments are going to be due soon. Its a good thing that I had spring break, because without it, I would've gone crazy trying to deal with personal and academic stuff. My spring break was a combonation of sleeping, video games, and work. When I wasn't sleep or working, I was gaming, which is something that I haven't done in a while. I beat this game called Rogue Galaxy in 35 hours. The game is supposed to have over 120 hours of gameplay, but the main story is about 40. Other than that, I've been prepping for my karate exams. After I pass the one that's coming up next week, I'll be eligible to take a 2nd degree black belt test. Wish me luck guys. Well, I'm signing off for now. I have to go meet someone for breakfast. Until next time readers

St. Patty's Day/Fall of a Kingdom

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:56:31 -0500

So I just got back from teaching at the karate studio and I'm pretty tired; not gonna lie. This morning I wrote a poem while I was in Accounting. I should have been doing other things, but sometimes you feel that burst of inspiration and you have to let it out. Its not a performance piece or anything of that nature, but I like it nonetheless. While reading the poem, I realized that it had qualities of a writing style that I felt like I was abandoning. I guess I was wrong. The poem is below. I hope you enjoy it. FALL OF A KINGDOM A kingdom falls in a not so hot blaze of glory. Monarchs battle and shed cold blood. Everything is stained with it. Blood seeps through the cracks of 2 towers. They begin to rust inside. The vibrant steel becomes a little tarnished. They’re a bit darker now. Sound waves from clashing swords crumble everything. The towers are a shaken but still stand tall. They are deeply rooted. The queen is victorious, but is she really? Lives were lost, blood was spilled, and children were ruined. They didn’t mean for it to affect us but it did. Now we’re relics in a war torn land, where flowers cease to bloom. I can’t say that there’s no hope though. Ashes are sometimes the sustenance of beautiful things. Moving onto greener things. Its St. Patty's day. I wore green, but I don't care for the holiday much. Shout out to my Irish peeps though...NEXT! On the lighter side of things, I've updated the roster for the book. I've added a few people to the list. This makes a total of 14 people contributing their work to the book. I have most of their pieces ready so I should start assembling the book as soon as I can. Below is the updated roster for the book. I know that you don't know any of these people, but if they keep at their craft, you'll know them by name eventually. These people are very talented. BOOK ROSTER Mckendy F. Alex R. Tracey F. Melvin C. Ray F. Shane K. Zac S. Laura D. Erin Krystal B. Daryl F. Angel D. Neilia G.T. Aaron G. Hillary Oh, and, Aaron, a friend of mine and a contributor to the book has offered to do artwork for it. I know he has plenty of talent so whatever he comes up with will be sick. I'm not out to make a profit on this book or anything. I just want a collective of pieces from my friends together. Its a pretty interesting project, in my opinion. I hope that people enjoy the collection and feel like they can relate to it. Well that's enough out of me. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep. Until next time folks... Mckendy

My First Poetry Slam Victory

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 12:05:25 -0500

Last Friday started out as any other poetry night at the bridge cafe. I walked into the into the small restaurant expecting to sign up for the open mic and enjoy the poetry slam. I never considered myself a slam poet. I was just a regular poet, whatever that was. This isn't to say that I never aspired to be one. I simply felt like I wasn't ready for such a feat. As I approached the desk and searched for the open mic sign up sheet. Much to my surprise and dismay, the list was already full. Disappointed, I decided to make a return trip to the area that I was planning on enjoying the evening's activities. Before I could take a step in any direction, Steve, the cashier, and a few poets that I knew approached me. Steve, Roller Girl and Unseen(the poets), wanted me to sign up for the slam. In addition, my uncle who had become my poetry buddy over the last 6 months or so, wanted me to compete in the slam also. I resisted all of their attempts to get me to sign up, but ended up getting a spot in the open mic. I waited for my turn on the open mic. I went up and read a piece of mine called "Night Owl" followed by another poem called "Bebop Blues". The crowd loved it and applauded me as I left the stage and returned to my original post. The poet that read after me concluded the open mic, which initiated the 10 minute break between the open mic and slam. During the break, Unseen, Roller Girl, and Steve approached me about signing up for the slam again. Once again, I refused, but began to warm up to the idea when The Colonel, the host of poetry night and a slam poet gave me some words of encouragement. I thought about the pros and cons of the whole situation for a good minute before I looked at the list, said "**** it", and signed up. Everyone was happy that I signed up. I was happy too, but mostly nervous because the slam would be starting in less than 10 minutes. Initially, I felt unprepared for the slam, but then I remembered that I was wearing my poetry backpack. I quickly looked through my writing books and ended up having to choose between two pieces. One of them was called "Labels" and the other was untitled. "Labels" felt like a slightly risky piece to recite, but it was a long poem by my standards. The other piece was short, sweet, and had wordplay that I favored. I ended up doing "Labels" because I felt like it was a stronger piece. The slam was two rounds long. I had decided, before my little second round poem dilemma, that I would do a poem called "Parenthood" first. I went up the microphone with the sound of the crowd's applause following me. I was nervous, but I knew what I had to do. I had to let the lion out of the cage...and so I did. It was as if the switch called apathy turned off in my brain. It felt like my congnisence had been lessoned and replaced with a slightly euphoric feeling; possibly a n adrenaline rush. I received another applause after finishing Parenthood. The judges put their score cards up and I received a 27.6/30 The first round ended after all of the poets were judged. I was in 4th place, but that didn't bother me. I didn't think I had a chance of winning anyway. Victory may not have been in my expectations, but I wanted to put 100% into it nonetheless. While awaiting my turn for the second round, the nerves seemed to be present, although not as powerful as they were before. Moreover, my mind seemed to be feigning fatigue. I quickly brushed off these illusions when my name was called. I approached the mic once more and recited "Labels". Although it wasn't memorized like Parenthood, the crowed loved it nonetheless. I received a 28/30 for the poem with a high score of 9.9/10. I was dumbfounded by my scores at this point(even though, I should have been earlier). The scores were added up and divided. Not thinking I was going to win, I started thinking of the other poets that had a chance of winning. After a wait that seemed to take an eternity, the winners were announced. I was in first place followed by Adam, another a poet. We congratulated each other and all of the other participants. I was proud of myself and what I had accomplished. It would take a few hours for this to sink in though. I was a finalist for the NH slam poetry team. After leaving the bridge, I knew that I had to bring my A, no, my A+ game to land a spot on the slam team. That's what I'm doing right now.

Second Entry/A Poem

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 20:40:40 -0500

Yes people. I'm typing another entry to this blog. I would've incorporated this into my other post, but it'd be out of place. The following poem was inspired by my special someone. You know who you are. I hope you enjoy love... ^_^ Untitled Since rays of hope are shining through these cracks, I'll break these walls down for you. I've never liked these stone buildings anyway. They'd always kept me concealed from the world; from someone like you. Now I'm ready to help bring down this monument of fear because you're worth it. And I speak not of beauty, charm or physique. I'm talking about what's underneath. As our minds speak, my heart quickly beats. I'm descending from the heavens with you as my target. Clouds fail to obstruct my vision because you're the only person on my radar. I'm hearing single blips on my screen because I'm stuck on you. I hope that my meeting with the earth is a gentle one, because I've fallen for you, and I'd hate to crash.

Why I write...

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:48:55 -0500

So...this week has been a bit of a busy one. Even though I'm finally where I want to be in several of the elements in my life, there's still work to be done. My life is still not where I want it to be right now, but its heading in the right direction. I've always had self-analytical tendencies but never did much after "figuring out" my problem. Some say that such habits are unhealthy, but in my case, they're unaffected and overshadowed by laziness. It wasn't until recently that I discovered this about myself. Although I'm pulling a Dr. Phil on myself again, I intend to improve upon my shortcomings as a person. I'm not going to let the negative aspects of my character control my life anymore. If I do then my hopes and my dreams will wither and die, and I wouldn't know what to do with my life if such an ill fate were to fall upon me. Enough about that though. Let's move onto other subjects, shall we? To all those who read this blog, or future readers, I want to let you know why I write. I write because writing is the only thing that makes sense anymore. Its like the sights and sounds of my world are distorted and corrupt, and I need to write to decipher them. I need to decode the foreign language that I'm constantly bombarded by daily. If I don't then the prospect of living is dead to me and I might as well be dead with it. I don't write to impress people, attract females, or entertain others necessarily, but to push myself to become better than I already am. Although I'm pleased when other's like my pieces, it wouldn't matter to me if they didn't. As long as I write a something that I like, I'm happy. My inspiration doesn't come from one specific things. It comes from all aspects of my life. Life is what's happening to us daily, and I often find myself writing about how it affects me. I can let people know my point of view of things without creating conflicting, and that has always been a positive aspect of writing to me. I know some might consider this a rant, but I'm not complaining about anything. Hell, right now, I'm not even mad. All I am doing is informing people about another aspect of myself. I hope that you guys have enjoyed this blog. Until next time readers...

Work and Play/Substantial

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:01:17 -0500

These past few weeks have been busy and realxing all together. One minute, I was enjoying my days off and the next I had a billion homework assignments to do. I think over the break, I forgot one of college's cardinal rules, "Work now. Play later." Dont worry folks, I'm not going to be inundated with homework assignments. I've decided to get back on top of things in all of the elements of my life. This blog is one those parts of my life that I've seem to have neglected in my "play". With that said, I want to introduce you to a Hip Hop artist that I have fallen in love with all over again. He goes by the name Substantial and his music is amazing, in my opinion. His lyrical content is amusing yet deep. Furthermore, he's a pretty good story teller. Check out some of his tracks below. Enjoy

Classes/Akir

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 17:52:58 -0500

So I've been back in school for about 2 weeks and I must say that its been interesting to say the least. I've discovered that the professors that I have are very thought provoking. Although their teaching styles vary, they all successfully influence us to think outside of the box. This is a truly intriguing factor about this semester of classes. I believe the discussions that we have in class will influence my writing to a degree, but I digress. I'm a huge fan of Underground Hip Hop. I listen to anywhere from the most famous Underground Hip Hop artists to virtual unknowns. Recently, I rediscovered how much I liked an artist by the name of Akir. Before I head out for now, I think you guys should check him out. The follow track is called "Treason" which has another artist by the name of Immortal Technique on it. Don't worry kiddies; its censored. Enjoy!!!

Latter Part of Winter Break/The Eve of Spring Semester

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 22:58:42 -0500

Hello everyone....welcome back So its the eve of the beginning of spring semester, and I must say that I've missed SNHU. I miss seeing my fellow classmates, roaming the campus aimlessly during my breaks and indulging myself in the school's wonderful activities. As you all know, I'm ready to go back to school, but I haven't told you much about my activities during the break. My winter break consisted of work, work, and oh yeah, work. In addition I had to teach karate as usual. Although my schedule was busy, I found time to write. Wait, I always find time to write. Speaking of writing, I've decided to release a book, which includes my friend's personal best pieces of writing. So far I have close to a dozen people who have volunteered to submit a piece of their work for the book. I'll keep you guys updated on how things go. For now, I leave you with the piece that I'll be posting in the book. Hallow I touched the rugged skin of the tree, as I sat under the pale moon What once was vibrant, had begun to fade into a saddening grey As the moon shone upon my skin, I realized how this life had been spent The needless pain inflicted by nature upon its child was unbearable The torture turned this tree bitter and made her hallow Shadows of the past were forever engraved in this once great oak I gently knocked on this piece of life, and there was nothing Nothing but the echoing sounds of my knock, traveling through the tree The only thing left of this giant was a few carvings Her soul had been removed, leaving her body hallow As I left, this dying maiden, I could feel a wind blowing The tree swayed back and forth before finally following to her doom Hitting the earth, she crumbled into tiny pieces that blew into the night And there was nothing left, not even a branch or a dying leaf There was only emptiness now, and so she ceased to be hallow

Indviduality

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 16:30:02 -0500

Hello everyone, So, I was surfing the web last night, using Firefox, my trusty web browser, and the stumble button, and I came across a website with a paragraph/poem by E.E. Cummings. I didn't give the contents of the piece of writing much thought, but a quote at the bottom caught my interest. The quote read, "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." After reading the quote, I was awed at the truth that it held. I gave the quote much thought and wondered about how it was incorporated into my own life. I realized that temptation is all around us, and in order to remain individuals and not conform, we must learn to live or own lives, and not ones built around others. In addition, there will always be peer pressure and negative influences in this world, but when it comes down to it, its up to us to say "No". It may become more difficult as time goes on, but its up to us to find ways to stay away from situations where we may feel pressured to do things that we may not want to do. I have always lived my life this way, and so far, I've garnered the respect of many of my peers because of this. Well I'm gonna go write some poetry, so I'll see you later -Mckendy

The end draws near

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 12:26:05 -0500

Hello everyone, I hope that everyone's Christmas went well. With that said, I've realized that Christmas is a precursor to New Years. The end of the year is coming and we all have to celebrate it or deal with it someway. Its about time to say farewell to 2007. Below is a poem that the impending new year inspired me to write. Enjoy Goodbye I said goodbye to her last time and the time before that My friends and I would discuss all the good times that we had with her She was hot one minute and cold the next I still loved her, so naturally when we had to part, I said my goodbyes with a facade of happiness I thought it would help suppress the sorrow, but it never quite did Maybe my theatrics weren't great enough As I pondered about our experiences, someone knocked on my door I opened it to find her standing there, looking as good as new She was at the steps, standing in new light, and I was feeling a bit older Her return made me happy, but things were different My flame was slowly diminishing so eventually she would too I can't deny this fate, so I have no choice but to accept it My only concern is that I won't be able to say goodbye to her once more

Happy Holidays

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 16:34:16 -0500

Just stopping by to wish all my fellow bloggers and potential readers a happy holiday season. I'm off to open gifts now Peace, Mckendy

Finals...Over

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 00:24:15 -0500

So today was the last day of finals and I must say that I'm relieved that its all over. Despite our nerves, my group and I did a nearly flawless presentation for Public Speaking. I was so proud of everyone...I definitely smell an A. Finals weren't the only thing that ended though. Tonight was the last SWAT(Teaching Staff) meeting of the year at my karate school. Instead of discussing what we need to improve on, we had a Pot Luck and watched Comedy Central Presents Jeff Dunham. I must admit that Dunham is hilarious. My favorite part of the stand up was when he used a puppet named Achmed the dead terrorist. As I watched Dunham and laughed with my fellow instructors, I realized that over the years, those people had become like family to me. The karate studio had become a second home of sorts to me. I have been training for 5 years and because I have my black belt, many assume that I would've simply quit after achieving that goal. What they don't understand is that I value the journey more than the belt. At the end of the day its just a belt, but I on the other hand am a person who has acquired the skills associated with the belt and my martial arts system. Unlike the belt, the knowledge that I have gained is intangible. Many parts of my future are still uncertain, but what I do know is that I will keep training for as long as I can, but I digress. I'm so happy that finals are over. Although I look forward to my month off, I will miss the people that I've managed to meet and make friends with during my first semester at SNHU. I hope that I see them again next semester. Well, I hope that you all have a great break. I hope this holds you over until next time.... (Yes, I know its random, but I like Metal Gear Solid:D) Mckendy

Hello

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:45:28 -0500

Konichiwa, Hello everyone, my name is Mckendy and I'm a sophomore at SNHU. I'm often described as kind hearted, loyal, "artsy", and weird (but in a good way). My interests, besides going to my wonderful school, are writing, martial arts, reading, looking at art, playing video games, keeping up to date on technology, and listening to music. SO.....my interests= Now, with that said, I officially claim this blog as mine. No, I'm kidding...not really. For however long I am writing in this blog, I will incorporate my interests into it. Yes, that means music, video game, and gadget reviews in addition to my experiences here at SNHU. Well, I'm off to eat bonbons and catch some zzzzs(IT'S FINALS WEEK!!!) Until next time readers, Mckendy