i recently made a film. it’s not HBO material…well technically I haven’t talked to HBO yet, so I can’t say that they wouldn’t be interested. but i think i’ll wait to approach HBO until i finish COMM 3342: Visual Communication.

the final project for this class is an original film. i haven’t put the footage together yet, but i can assure you that it is on my standard level of brilliance.

prepare yourself for directing, writing, and cinematographic genius…

Please note that fruits and vegetables were harmed in the making of this film.

Picture this: A young and beautiful green pear meets a strapping red onion. They fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Until after “ever after”, when the owner of the fridge gets hungry. Hungry for produce. Their lives are changed forever when the hand of fate chooses to satisfy its desire and take a bite out of destiny.

Let me give you a little tidbit of information that will be handy if you ever decide to tackle the film biz: If you ever have to work with actors, don’t. Work with fruits and vegetables.

Of course, I did have one human actor who portrayed her villainous role with charisma, appropriate violence, and brilliant technical skill.

My other principal produce-actors, Pearl the pear and Otis the onion, are talented professionals. Their dramatic choices were right on the nose. They were committed to the truth in their roles, and they never complained when the scenes ran long. Even when we put a knife through Otis, took a bite out of Pearl and threw her in the trashcan, they didn’t argue one bit. At HEB I recruited and signed four stunt pears, two stunt onions, a bag of stunt potatoes and a stunt garlic clove. All my stunt-produce played a crucial role in this project and paid the ultimate price.

Produce-actors are simply delicious….I mean, they are delightful. I cannot wait to show you their inspired work. However, neither Pearl nor Otis will be doing any film work in the future. They have expired…ummm I mean, retired. But they tasted great…I mean, they...awww forget it, I got hungry and ate my actors. Not something I would recommend in future film shoots, especially when you need to go back and pickup extra scenes.

that is all.
madear