Hi All,

There's never a better time to write a blog than when you're waiting for your laundry to get done. The past three weeks have been a real struggle for me. I and 7 other interns had 6 days of training at our new internship. Talk about information overload! I came home each of those days exhausted and overwhelmed by all the new information and the anxiety over whether I'd ever be able to remember everything, on top of being a competent therapist. I saw my first two clients and their parents/guardians on Tuesday. I was so nervous I had to keep my head and my hands from shaking. I had to take deep breaths at times to calm myself just enough to sign all the documentation we had to go through. Can I really help these people? What can I really do that all the other caring people in their lives haven't been able to do already? So much doubt.

During this time I and another intern started our assignment of conducting a weekly club at a local middle school. The first club was beautiful. The kids were cooperative, friendly, and seemed to really enjoy the activities we planned. But then the second club came with some new kids. Now, they pushed and called each other names during the games and were disrespectful to everyone. I feel bad for the few kids who played fairly and respectful. These kids often seem to lose out on opportunities and attention because the other kids are being so disrespectful and crazy. The other intern and I had started planning on getting international students from the local college to come in and go on scavenger hunts and make international food based on the kids' interests in travel and suggestions. If we can't find a way to control the students at this week's club, we won't be able to do any of it. So much aggravation.

Class on Friday did not ease my mind any. We talked about child abuse again (depressing) and then got on how much it costs to take the licensing exam plus the additional costs to keep our licenses, (on top of how little our profession makes salary-wise) and how many people lose their licenses each year because they failed to act appropriately. I was also reminded of all the budget cuts, the unrealistic case loads, and lack of tangible results in the social service field. I began to think of all the work I would be going through, and no matter how hard I tried, I could miss an obvious sign of child abuse or trip up somewhere else and lose my license and people's faith in me in an instant. So much fear.

Yet inspiration comes in weird ways sometimes. I caught the end of the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (a favorite of mine) on TV the other day. After spending most of the movie fighting to hold on to his memories of his girlfriend, Joel, the main character, has to submit and realize that he can't control the situation. He can't control the future. He has to let go, do his utmost in that moment, and enjoy what he has. I knew this career would be hard, but I also knew how much I wanted it. This life could be worth so much.

Enjoy it.
-Sharon